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Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

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When life gives you lemons, make a single-serve lemonade! ๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿ™ƒ



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Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

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Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

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Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

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I hate being at the age where you feel obligated to buy your whole family gifts for Christmas, but also the age where your bank account doesn’t feel obligated to support that.

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Gang initiations from the Midwest be like โ€œyou have to eat the entire potato salad.โ€

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I donโ€™t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didnโ€™t have a private jet, sheโ€™d be Taylor Slow.

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AI wonโ€™t replace me because Iโ€™m already useless to society.

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Rudolphโ€™s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santaโ€™s visibility in dense fog.

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If I were to โ€œpicture everybody in the room naked,โ€ I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฑ has copied:

This call, shouldโ€™ve been a message in a bottle I never found.

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