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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,602

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Making waves on X:

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

Seen just now on Twitch:

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

Making waves on Slack:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Social media can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Making waves on Instagram:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about independence and self-reliance, humorously reassuring solo strength.

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Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, make a single-serve lemonade! 🍋🙃

again, fine, humor, independence, just, man, own, purpose, relationship, remind, reminder, self-reliance, simply, sometimes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Telegram this month:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

12 shares on Twitch this month:

If you’re a guy and you’re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

71 shares on Threads this month:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I was meant to be rich, I can tell by the way I spend money.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Grind.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

You look like the result of a failed CIA experiment.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Liberté. Egalité. Second Coffeé.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

Just shared via X:

Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Just landed via Twitch:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

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Activity Log ✨

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨