Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,369

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Shared recently on WeChat:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Freshly posted on X:

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

Just landed via Twitch:

Give yourself time to heal. A couple of decades should do it.

Spotted on Snapchat:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m literally overstimulated with life. I need to scream on top of a mountain.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Making waves on YouTube:

I giggle before I go crazy. Gotta start my engine.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about feeling invisible to bathroom hand dryers, humorous and lighthearted.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I totally get it! Those hand dryers are more skeptical of my existence than my cat when I try to feed her something new. 🙆‍♂️🌀🐱

apology, bathroom, convince, dryer, excuse, exist, existence, funny excuse, hand, hand dryer, humor, i, late, lateness, sorry, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

97 shares on Slack this month:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

Just took off my daytime sweatpants and put on my nighttime sweatpants.

61 shares on Discord this month:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

43 shares on Instagram this month:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

54 shares on Discord this month:

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

18 shares on X this month:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I hate when teachers put “?” on my work, like I don’t know either.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

If you’re having a good day today, don’t play Wordle.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Think that’s enough todaying for today.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Just landed via Snapchat:

It’s Monday. Please lower your voice and expectations.

Going viral on Discord:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Making waves on Telegram:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Just landed via Twitch:

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨