Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

4,042

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

Seen just now on Threads:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

Going viral on Messenger:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Making waves on Threads:

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Trending via Pinterest:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When your brain's giving you anxiety and your stomach's giving you… something else. 💭💨 #MindFarts"

gas, health, holding, hope, humor, intrusive, intrusive thought, joke, just, mental, mental health, mind, self-awareness, still, thought, thoughts

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Alexa, mute my children.

0

2 months ago

Alexa, child, children, humor, mute, parenting, silence, technology
I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

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2 months ago

bar, drink, house, humor, i, just, music, normal, own, people, relaxation, solitude, volume, want, where
Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

0

2 months ago

arrow, Cupid, death, humor, irony, joke, just, killed, love, me, relationship, romantic, should
Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

0

5 months ago

good, greeting, humor, plan, plans, weekend
And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

0

2 months ago

bag, bags, children, collection, family, gift, gift bag, humor, humor quote, i, inheritance, leave, tote, tote bag
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

0

2 months ago

forever, good, humor, i, intention, joke, life, live, optimism

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on WeChat this month:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

71 shares on Threads this month:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

95 shares on X this month:

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

Trending via Twitch:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

Live now on WhatsApp:

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Seen just now on Slack:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

Making waves on Telegram:

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

Just landed via YouTube:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Alexa, mute my children.

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨