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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Icarus loved hot wings.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

The first Saw movie should have been called Footloose.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Sometimes being on your phone all day is your destiny.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,754

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

Live now on Facebook:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

Going viral on Messenger:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Shared recently on Threads:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Just landed via Facebook:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When your brain's giving you anxiety and your stomach's giving you… something else. 💭💨 #MindFarts"

gas, health, holding, hope, humor, intrusive, intrusive thought, joke, just, mental, mental health, mind, self-awareness, still, thought, thoughts

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

0

2 months ago

activity, both, date, dog, humor, river, style
I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

0

2 months ago

expectations, family, humor, i, irony, kids, parent, parenting, patience, patient
The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

0

2 months ago

flex, growth, humor, real, resilience, turn, wisdom, wounds
Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

0

2 months ago

accidentally, alien, aubrey, Aubrey Plaza, celebrity, comedy, culture, Earth, famous, humor, leave, observation, plaza, pop, pop culture, study, us
Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

0

2 months ago

buy, buying, eat, having, Lil, little, need, not having, snack, snacks, worst
The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

0

2 months ago

feel, fitness, holiday, humor, irony, January, November, treadmill, turkey

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

Multitask? I can barely unitask.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

45 shares on Discord this month:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

23 shares on Slack this month:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

79 shares on YouTube this month:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

81 shares on X this month:

You ever wake up from your dreams impressed? Like, damn, that narrative structure was phenomenal.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I hope this email makes you quit your job.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Just shared via Instagram:

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

Just landed via Slack:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Spotted on Slack:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

Going viral on Slack:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

Trending via TikTok:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

Live now on Threads:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨