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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

For once, I would just like to underthink a situation. How do you guys do that?

Just shared via TikTok:

Garlic bread is my therapist now.

Live now on Discord:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Bruschetta is 80% delicious and 20% mess.

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Enjoying my official title of 'Employed but Not Yet Obligated'! 😎🕺💼

actually, anticipation, best, excitement, finding, got, job, job start, job transition, life, life moment, moment, new, new job, period, start, starting, times, transition

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

0

5 days ago

different, disappointment, eating, food, humor, money, pain, spending, type
FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

0

2 months ago

anxiety, fear, FOGO, FOMO, going, going out, humor, season, social, social anxiety, summer, thing, winter
I wanna become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

0

1 month ago

aspiration, bless, blessing, financial, financial stability, generosity, God, humor, i, money, others, pocket, pockets, stability, stable, wealth
Tonight, the moon is staring at me.

0

2 months ago

humor, me, moon, night, personification, stare, staring, tonight
Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

0

6 months ago

humor, laziness, management, nothingness, procrastination, schedule, squeeze, time, time management, today, trying
Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

0

2 months ago

beat, comedy, crime, humor, i, irony, me, money, robber, weird, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

75 shares on Threads this month:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Once you are able to find humor in any situation, you’ve either reached enlightenment or you’re just a little unhinged.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Trending via Pinterest:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Trending via WeChat:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

Making waves on Pinterest:

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

Spotted on TikTok:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Trending via Twitch:

The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

I wanna become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Tonight, the moon is staring at me.

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨