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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

James Bond really accurately predicted that the biggest threat to life on Earth is super-rich businessmen, whose money didn’t make them happy, and now their hobby is destroying the world.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Deleting university to focus on Twitter.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Seen just now on Facebook:

White Lotus is a cautionary tale about taking time off from work.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

Shared recently on YouTube:

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

Making waves on Messenger:

Girls Just Want To Have Naan

Going viral on LinkedIn:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Going viral on Slack:

I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty and humorous text about early human reactions to throwing up.

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Commentary:
When your stomach invents interpretative dance without your permission 😂🤢💃

curiosity, early, early human, ever, hell, human, humor, ok, person, reaction, surprise, throw, vomiting

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55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

99 shares on Threads this month:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

79 shares on Messenger this month:

I get all the cardio I need by running out of patience.

89 shares on X this month:

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just got chills imagining what Tom and Jerry could accomplish if they just worked together for once.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?

94 shares on Slack this month:

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

17 shares on Instagram this month:

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

85 shares on Slack this month:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Just landed via Messenger:

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Unfortunately, I am the first person in my family to do what they want.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Just landed via Slack:

Adulthood is realising no one cares about you, and the show must go on.

Going viral on Facebook:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Spreading quickly via X:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

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The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

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Activity Log ✨

The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

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