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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

The three people who like every single one of my posts are going in my will.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,379

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

Going viral on Facebook:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

Trending via Slack:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

Breaking via Slack:

69 but we both just farting.

Shared recently on Discord:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

Going bananas on Threads:

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

The hardest part of corporate life is pretending to care about things that don’t matter.

6 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about corporate life highlighting the struggle to feign concern over trivial matters.

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Commentary:
Playing the Oscar-worthy role of 'Enthusiastic Employee #1' every day! 🎭😅

care, caring, corporate, corporate life, hardest, humor, irony, life, matter, office, pretending, pretense, things, work

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24 shares on TikTok this month:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

17 shares on Threads this month:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

51 shares on Threads this month:

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

79 shares on Reddit this month:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

56 shares on Discord this month:

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Our childhood photos might be ugly but those smiles were definitely not fake.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Breaking via Pinterest:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Live now on Threads:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

Just landed via YouTube:

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Just shared via Twitch:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Going viral on Telegram:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Just shared via YouTube:

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

Just landed via Messenger:

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

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Activity Log ✨

The hardest part of corporate life is pretending to care about things that don’t matter.

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

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Activity Log ✨

The hardest part of corporate life is pretending to care about things that don’t matter.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨