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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Started from the bottom, now we a little bit above the bottom.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,599

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

I firmly believe that at this point my guardian angel is just eating popcorn and watching the drama.

Spotted on Slack:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Anyone know how to grow a money tree?

Going viral on Messenger:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Going viral on TikTok:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Just shared via Slack:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Spotted on Slack:

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Me: *clocks out at 5pm* 💼🚪 Coworker: Where are you going? Me: On a permanent holiday… in my mind! 🏝️💭 #WorkEthicOnVacation"

ethic, holiday, holidays, humor, motivation, office, over, procrastination, still, vacation, work, work ethic

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

0

2 months ago

asked, doctor, even, health, healthy, humor, i, joke, me, sex, sexy, told
I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

0

2 months ago

anything, consequence, consequences, deadline, humor, i, looming, motivation, procrastination, productivity, serious
Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

0

2 months ago

attention, attitude, confidence, entertainment, forget, give, harder, humor, motivation, never, nobody, observation, people, rivalry, sarcasm, show
First responders? You mean reply guys?

0

2 months ago

comedy, first responder, guy, guys, humor, interaction, mean, media, online, online interaction, reply, reply guy, responder, sarcasm, social, social media
One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

0

4 months ago

buy, decision, future, humor, i, measurement, myself, only, sort, sure, time, timekeeping, watch, waterproof
I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

0

2 days ago

doing, humor, i, joke, laziness, love, minute, procrastination, research, science, study, stuff

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Messenger this month:

This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.

27 shares on X this month:

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I personally feel like I have what it takes to become a fossil.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

If I say “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Just landed via X:

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

Trending via Facebook:

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Seen just now on Instagram:

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Just shared via Discord:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

Live now on WeChat:

Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

First responders? You mean reply guys?

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨