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Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Our childhood photos might be ugly but those smiles were definitely not fake.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

If you send a man to war today, he’s gonna go there and take dark exposure aesthetic pics.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

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Feb 3, 2026

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Seen just now on Pinterest:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Just shared via WeChat:

Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

Making waves on TikTok:

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

Freshly posted on X:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Making waves on X:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Just landed via Threads:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

The idea of a relationship is so much better than the reality, bruh. I used to be angry at 7 a.m.

5 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about preferring relationship fantasies over real-life frustrations, humorous and playful.

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Commentary:
When you realize 'Good morning' is actually a threat! 😂🌅 #IWannaSleep

am, anger, angry, better, bruh, frustration, humor, i, idea, morning, much, reality, relationship, used

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54 shares on Discord this month:

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

26 shares on TikTok this month:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

29 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

82 shares on Slack this month:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Live now on Instagram:

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Just shared via Facebook:

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

Just landed via Discord:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’m slowly becoming an adult. Please make it stop.

Spotted on Instagram:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Just shared via Facebook:

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

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The idea of a relationship is so much better than the reality, bruh. I used to be angry at 7 a.m.

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The idea of a relationship is so much better than the reality, bruh. I used to be angry at 7 a.m.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

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