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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,954

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,954

19 minutes ago

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

Trending via Discord:

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

Reported on Messenger:

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

Spotted on YouTube:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Spotted on X:

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Trending via Snapchat:

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

Shared recently on Slack:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

Spotted on Telegram:

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

2 months ago

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

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Commentary:
Haha, sounds like your wife has mastered the art of playing hide and seek with her own phone! 📱😂 Maybe it’s her way of keeping you on your toes—or just testing your detective skills. Either way, teamwork makes the dream work—especially when it involves finding missing phones! 🕵️‍♂️❤️

call, communication, ever, humor, i, joke, just, marital, marital joke, marriage, only, person, phone, relationship, trying, wife

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,954

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,954

19 minutes ago

3,432

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

Seen just now on Messenger:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Making waves on Discord:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Spotted on Messenger:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Just shared via Threads:

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Just landed via Discord:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

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