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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I touched grass today, and I’m still like this. Please advise.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,407

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

Going viral on Slack:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

Making waves on Slack:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Seen just now on Telegram:

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

Going bananas on X:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Trending via X:

Every girl keeps an extra boyfriend and calls him ‘best friend’.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.
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Commentary:
Haha, sounds like your wife has mastered the art of playing hide and seek with her own phone! 📱😂 Maybe it’s her way of keeping you on your toes—or just testing your detective skills. Either way, teamwork makes the dream work—especially when it involves finding missing phones! 🕵️‍♂️❤️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Slack this month:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t understand why electricians aren’t called power rangers, but okay.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

70 shares on WeChat this month:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

52 shares on Threads this month:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

84 shares on Discord this month:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience for me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m addicted to placebos.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,681

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Cutting my steak at Texas Roadhouse with my car keys.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Trending via Slack:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Fish must think we look so weird with both eyes on the front of our face.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m broke in Monopoly, and my husband just asked if I want to earn $100.

Making waves on Instagram:

Oh good. Another day.

Going viral on Reddit:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Going viral on X:

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

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