Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme casual attire.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,246

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Know what goes good with beer? Another one.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Making waves on Telegram:

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

Making waves on Facebook:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Just landed via Slack:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Making waves on Threads:

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When reality hits you like a cold shower just as you were getting to the good part 🌨️💤⏰

before, disappointment, dream, great, humor, irony, nightmare, only, sleep, thing, waking, waking up, worse

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life,” and it’s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.

0

2 months ago

chores, daily, daily life, day, dishwasher, family, humor, irony, just, life, teen, teenager, teens, told, worst, worst day
“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

0

2 months ago

AI, boss, bus, coming, coworker, done, humor, ID, jobs, office, responsibility, sarcasm, soon, throw, under, work, workplace
Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

0

2 months ago

activity, conspiracy, conspiracy theory, day, day off, fun, fun activity, humor, party, relaxation, Thanksgiving, theory
Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

0

2 months ago

being, fish, fishing, food, guy, humor, hunger, hungry, imagine, irony, lesson, needs, survival, teach
I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

0

2 months ago

age, elderly, humor, i, life, life stage, people, perspective, stage, where
A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

0

2 months ago

choking, Heimlich, humor, impossible, joke, maneuver, pronunciation, thing, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Messenger this month:

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Is it just my dad, or do all fathers watch videos on their phones with the volume full blast, with no concern for anyone else in the house?

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

37 shares on Slack this month:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

76 shares on X this month:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

The difference between coffee and your opinion is that I asked for coffee.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Going viral on WeChat:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

Just landed via Telegram:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

Going viral on Instagram:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Just landed via YouTube:

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Just shared via Messenger:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Going viral on Instagram:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life,” and it’s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨