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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Tonight, the moon is staring at me.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

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3,633

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Freshly posted on X:

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

Making waves on WeChat:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Just shared via TikTok:

Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

Spotted on TikTok:

Long-term relationship? Like Tom and Jerry?

Going bananas on Messenger:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Trending via Snapchat:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Making waves on Instagram:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Trending via WhatsApp:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

2 months ago

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Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Slack this month:

If your cat has ever accidentally fallen into the tub while you were taking bath, you’ve known chaos.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

32 shares on WeChat this month:

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I realized being an adult is just feeling too tired to function, and then functioning.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

Live now on WeChat:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Be the reason your therapist reevaluates their entire career.

Just landed via YouTube:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Just landed via Messenger:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Seen just now on Slack:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

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Activity Log ✨

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨