The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

34 shares on Discord this month:

If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

18 shares on Discord this month:

I am in favor of equal pay for men on OnlyFans.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

You should be able to call in sad to work.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?