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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this family party started.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

I totally get why Leonardo DiCaprio is trying to save the environment for future generations. They could be his girlfriend.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,415

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Going viral on Reddit:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

Going viral on WeChat:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

Making waves on Reddit:

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

Making waves on Reddit:

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

Going viral on Instagram:

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Witty text capturing playful sarcasm about intentionally avoiding someone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤣 "Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose. Let's just say 'out of sight, out of mind' isn't just an expression for me, it's a lifestyle choice! 🙈"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Threads this month:

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

94 shares on X this month:

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

96 shares on Slack this month:

Controlling your emotions while on your period is an extreme sport.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

Wait… if you’re circling back and I’m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation?

52 shares on Telegram this month:

Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

10 shares on Slack this month:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

In your twenties, there may be love. It’s very important to ignore this love and pursue a master’s instead.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,696

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

The peace of not knowing.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Making waves on Facebook:

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Live now on X:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Just landed via TikTok:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Going bananas on Threads:

I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

Live now on Twitch:

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

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