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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

The purpose of a meme is to disturb the humorless, and to humor the disturbed.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Ever since I learned about the concept of networking, I knew I was going to have to do everything alone and do it the hard way.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

Going viral on YouTube:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Live now on Slack:

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

Breaking via Telegram:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Live now on Instagram:

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

Just shared via Telegram:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

Going bananas on Instagram:

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

Going viral on Discord:

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote highlighting contrasting parenting styles with humorous tone about marriage.

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Commentary:
"I guess opposites really do attract… and then spend every family gathering trying to sync their calendars! 😂🗓️❤️"

clueless, end, family, family life, humor, humor quote, kids, life, marriage, minute, organization, parenting, people, plan, planning, schedules, types

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Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Twitch this month:

Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

85 shares on X this month:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

30 shares on Instagram this month:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Being depressed is so embarrassing. It’s like, look at me, guys. I have nothing positive to say, and I make everything miserable.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

Spotted on Snapchat:

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Going viral on Instagram:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Just landed via Messenger:

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

Making waves on Facebook:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Live now on Threads:

I hate finishing a series that I enjoyed, because what now?

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

Mentally saying “Wed-Nes-Day” when writing the word Wednesday.

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

Mentally saying “Wed-Nes-Day” when writing the word Wednesday.

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨