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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,494

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Going viral on WeChat:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Going viral on Slack:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

Shared recently on X:

Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

Spotted on X:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

Trending via WeChat:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Breaking via TikTok:

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

Just shared via Telegram:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Trending via Discord:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

3 weeks ago

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Revive-a-cide: when you heroically save yourself from eternal boredom with a side of excitement! 🌟😄🚀

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Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

25 shares on Twitch this month:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

64 shares on X this month:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

I wasn’t planning on moving, but I was just invited to the neighborhood fall potluck, so I guess now I have no choice.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

19 shares on Threads this month:

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Sending your selfies to NASA because you’re a star.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I hope some dyslexic people don’t mail Satan instead of Santa.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

Just landed via Messenger:

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Going viral on Twitch:

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

Spotted on Facebook:

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

Just shared via Discord:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

Live now on Telegram:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

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Activity Log ✨

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨