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Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,954

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

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10,954

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Just shared via LinkedIn:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Spotted on Instagram:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Breaking via Threads:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My life is based on a true story.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Going viral on Instagram:

Statistically speaking, people don’t object enough at weddings.

Breaking via YouTube:

Not again. I mean good morning.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

Making waves on Reddit:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Guess I'm on their do-not-en-banh mi list! 🍞🚫😂 #PhoRealTho"

back, banh, banh mi, comeback, food, foodie, humor, i, joke, life, mi, never, pho, restaurant, said, spot, Vietnamese

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Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Do you guys remember when we had to share one desktop computer wіth the whole famіly?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Spotted on YouTube:

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

Live now on Pinterest:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Breaking via X:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

Just shared via Threads:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Going viral on Facebook:

Unsolicited sandwich pics.

Just landed via Twitch:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Spotted on TikTok:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Just shared via WeChat:

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

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They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Those who run away from me are afraid that they might confess their love to me.

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Shout out to myself for ruining my own life.

“You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I like to stay grounded by keeping the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

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They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

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