Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

My body looks like I have a great personality.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,658

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Shared recently on Slack:

I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Spotted on Threads:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Just landed via Twitch:

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

Just shared via WeChat:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Seen just now on X:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Just shared via Telegram:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

Live now on Snapchat:

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

Spotted on Slack:

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

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This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your energy drink unlocks DLC colors for your vision! 🥤🌈👀

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Twitch this month:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

56 shares on Facebook this month:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

16 shares on Reddit this month:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

42 shares on X this month:

People who like sweet potato fries can’t be taken seriously and deserve shame and ridicule.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Migraine so bad you develop powers like superhuman hearing.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,263

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I am the human version of tangled headphones.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

My therapist said I should face my fears. So I turned my phone back on.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

Going viral on Twitch:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Making waves on Telegram:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

Just landed via Facebook:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

Breaking via Instagram:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

Going viral on Reddit:

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

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