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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

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The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

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Seen just now on Telegram:

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Trending via Facebook:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Just shared via Reddit:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Spotted on Discord:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Trending via Telegram:

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

Just landed via Facebook:

Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

3 days ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like someone skipped their "kindness to men" class! 😂🙅‍♀️

am, attitude, humor, i, irony, kind, kindness, man, men, world

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

4 months ago

dragon, girl, tattoo
Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

1 month ago

frustration, humor, new, people, show, start, sucks
Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

2 months ago

behavior, comedy, ever, folding, foot, humor, mouth, noticed, observation, open, social, social behavior, step, trash, trash can
I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

1 month ago

backyard, creativity, garbage, humor, i, just, neighbor, neighbors, outer, outer space, perspective, problems, shoot, space, try, waste
They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

2 months ago

boundary, face, frustration, hard, hit, humor, irony, kiss, know, lips, relationship, say
Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

1 month ago

activity, avoidance, behavior, chore, cleaner, driveway, funny activity, humor, i, just, me, neighbors, outdoor, outdoor chore, outside, quirky, quirky behavior, run, social, social avoidance, talk, vacuum, vacuum cleaner

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

It’s Monday. Please lower your voice and expectations.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

When you try to be humble and say it’s no big deal and they agree with you.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

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This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

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This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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