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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Work for a living? In this economy?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

Spotted on Slack:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Spotted on Telegram:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Just shared via Reddit:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Shared recently on Discord:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Just shared via YouTube:

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

Shared recently on X:

Cheating on an exam by memorizing all the content beforehand so I can easily answer the questions.

Just shared via X:

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Just landed via Telegram:

Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars.

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

7 days ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about a humorous misadventure during a walk and run.

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Commentary:
When you think you're on a romantic stroll but accidentally sign up for a marathon 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️💨

dating, exercise, fitness, girl, humor, i, interaction, me, noticed, run, today, walk

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52 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m actually really good looking if you don’t look at me.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

96 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

30 shares on Slack this month:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

28 shares on Slack this month:

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

The amount of water you actually need to drink to be hydrated is so obscene. Who does this body think it is? A data center?

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

Maximizing rent value by turning ‘homebody’ into an Olympic sport!

Breaking via Telegram:

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

Just shared via Slack:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Just landed via Messenger:

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

Trending via YouTube:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Just landed via TikTok:

“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Going viral on Reddit:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

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Activity Log ✨

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

My advice to anyone with a job: be the last one in, the first one out, and do as little as possible while getting maximum pay.

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

My advice to anyone with a job: be the last one in, the first one out, and do as little as possible while getting maximum pay.

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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