Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?
  • It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.
  • Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.
  • If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.
  • If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.
  • THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.