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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,277

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

Spotted on Twitch:

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

Just landed via Reddit:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Spotted on X:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

Just landed via YouTube:

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Trending via Threads:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Just shared via YouTube:

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

Unfortunately, I do love being the only person who knows exactly what I mean and the hidden meaning behind everything I do.

4 weeks ago

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When my brain's got its own secret club, and even I need a password to join 🤔🧠🔐

behind, being, communication, everything, exactly, hidden, hidden meaning, humor, i, individuality, knows, love, mean, meaning, only, person, sarcasm, self-awareness, unfortunately

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Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Slack this month:

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

68 shares on Slack this month:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

13 shares on Instagram this month:

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

69 shares on Slack this month:

Who called it America and not the fast food and the furious?

94 shares on Discord this month:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Kinda psycho that there’s a clothing brand called “Banana Republic.”

62 shares on Reddit this month:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I eat posts like yours for breakfast.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting.

Just shared via Slack:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Going viral on Instagram:

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

Spotted on X:

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

Trending via Slack:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Making waves on TikTok:

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Spotted on Pinterest:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Just landed via Instagram:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Making waves on Threads:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Unfortunately, I do love being the only person who knows exactly what I mean and the hidden meaning behind everything I do.

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Pinterest is so therapeutic. There’s no drama, no one to argue with. Just pretty pictures.

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Unfortunately, I do love being the only person who knows exactly what I mean and the hidden meaning behind everything I do.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Pinterest is so therapeutic. There’s no drama, no one to argue with. Just pretty pictures.

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨