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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I wouldn’t walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,957

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Trending via Pinterest:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

Seen just now on Discord:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

Going bananas on Facebook:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

1 month ago

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Commentary:
"How about 'dynamic crisis manager'? 🔥🚒😅"

anyone, comedy, dumpster, dumpster fire, fire, humor, hunt, job, job hunt, professional, professional word, resume, sarcasm, self-deprecating, word, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

2 months ago
brain, brain damage, damage, humor, i, Instagram, Instagram Reel, media, original, original source, reel, social, social media, source, TikTok, watch
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

1 month ago
arguing, confidence, debate, explaining, humor, just, right, wit
Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

2 months ago
back, change, home, joke, locks, out of town, Roomba, technology, town
Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

2 months ago
agreement, communication, decision, half, humor, i, mistake, problem, problems, regret, said, saying, saying yes, sure, yes
Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

1 month ago
1, 2, being, contradiction, fear, fears, humor, infertility, pregnancy, pregnant, worst, worst fear
Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

2 weeks ago
dating, humor, liar, loser, oh, relationship, sarcasm, situationship

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

Going bananas on Slack:

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Making waves on Discord:

But babe, that’s my emotional support Lord of the Rings Extended Edition.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Trending via X:

Dear Santa, Money!

Freshly posted on Slack:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

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Activity Log ✨

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work.

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

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Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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