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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

People who scream sneeze need their own island.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

My taste in music ranges from “You’ve gotta listen to this” to “I know, please don’t judge me.”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,224

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).

Shared recently on Discord:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m so glad when summer is over and I finally don’t have to see any feet on the internet anymore.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

Going viral on TikTok:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Just landed via Reddit:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

Just landed via YouTube:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"How about 'dynamic crisis manager'? 🔥🚒😅"

anyone, comedy, dumpster, dumpster fire, fire, humor, hunt, job, job hunt, professional, professional word, resume, sarcasm, self-deprecating, word, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

0

2 months ago

advice, biologically, biology, connect, connection, daily, eat, else, enjoy, enjoyment, everything, food, fun, good, human, human connection, humans, humor, laid, life, life advice, literally, motivation, reminder, yourself
When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

0

2 months ago

always, door, doorbell, funny observation, home, humor, i, jacket, just, leave, observation, rings, situation, social, social situation, visitor, want
Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

0

2 months ago

being, cold, cold pizza, eating, example, freedom, funny situation, humor, kitchen, lifestyle, naked, night, pizza, single, situation, standing, things
Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

0

2 months ago

attention, being, catering, exactly, fall, family, hack, humor, i, life, life hack, needs, nice, situation, stairs, sure, whole
Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

0

2 months ago

creativity, due, financial, financial reasons, humor, i, joke, money, nature, photosynthesis, reasons, sustainability
I will improve my life after I doom scroll a little more. Yes.

0

4 weeks ago

after, doom, doom scroll, humor, i, improve, improvement, life, little, media, procrastination, scroll, self, self-improvement, social, social media, yes

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

19 shares on X this month:

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

60 shares on Reddit this month:

Reading about two insects who fall in love in Italy. It’s a Rome ants novel.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

63 shares on Twitch this month:

As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I have a yearning disability.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

Spotted on Messenger:

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

Going viral on Reddit:

There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Making waves on Threads:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Trending via Telegram:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Going viral on X:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Making waves on Discord:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

I will improve my life after I doom scroll a little more. Yes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨