Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Having seductive eyes is not for the weak. I feel like Medusa.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

The fun thing about Airbnb is that you get to clean someone else’s house on your vacation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,704

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Trending via Reddit:

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

Breaking via WeChat:

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

Going viral on X:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Spotted on Pinterest:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Trending via Messenger:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Trending via Threads:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Just shared via Instagram:

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

Spotted on Discord:

Hey beauty brands who make face creams: 30ml is only enough for an ant’s face.

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh no, my invisible hula hoop just rolled away! Anyone seen it? 😄🥏✨

behavior, hoop, hula, hula hoop, humor, invisible, joke, people, playful, prank, reaction, silly, using, weird, weird behavior

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

0

2 months ago

eye, eyes, heat, humor, i, ID, just, laser, laser eye, lazy, something, soup, superhero, too
Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

0

2 months ago

day, day off, done, holiday, humor, kids, parenting, sarcasm, shit, veteran’s, Veteran’s Day, work
The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

0

2 months ago

aging, body, fitness, flat, flat stomach, health, humor, i, miss, nostalgia, only, past, stomach, thing, weight
Super excited for a brand new week of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

0

4 months ago

best, brand, excited, excitement, expectation, hope, hoping, humor, irony, new, optimism, pessimism, super, week, worst
Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

0

1 month ago

academic, academic paper, after, browsing, closed, ever, frustration, great, humor, internet, internet browsing, life, multitasking, paper, productivity, sex, student, student life, sure, tabs
Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

0

1 month ago

account, care, device, devices, Gmail, humor, much, new, new device, notification, relationship, security, sign, sign in, someone, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

82 shares on Discord this month:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

16 shares on Threads this month:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Put my height in bio. Hope it lands me a girlfriend.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Trending via YouTube:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Just shared via Discord:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Living solo: where pants are optional, and snacks are unlimited.

Spotted on X:

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

Just shared via Discord:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Just landed via YouTube:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Trending via Telegram:

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Super excited for a brand new week of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨