Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,353

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

Just shared via WeChat:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

Just shared via Snapchat:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Making waves on Telegram:

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

Spotted on YouTube:

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

It’s so hot outside that when I opened my front door I thought I was checking on my oven.

Just shared via TikTok:

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

No matter how messed up your situation is, someone on Reddit’s already lived it, cried about it, and made a 3-part update with screenshots and farmed 12k upvotes.

Live now on X:

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Can't wait for the next architectural trend: spooky rooftop roommates! 🏰👹

architecture, back, bring, building, creature, decoration, freaky, gargoyle, guys, humor, little, need, should, statue

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward conversation, conversation, funny question, going, grandparents, hate, heaven, humor, i, oh, okay, question, small, small talk, talk, think
I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

0

2 months ago

afraid, carry, fear, humor, i, sleeping, someone, steal, wallet, work
Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, adulting, body, changes, growing, hair, humor, life, losing, means, want
If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

0

2 months ago

allowed, am, choice, freedom, ham, humor, i, life, life choice, self-acceptance, spiral
Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

0

2 months ago

always, beach, best, chance, clumsiness, flip, flip flop, flop, fun, funny moment, humor, laughter, moment, outdoor, outdoor fun, own, someone, summer, trip
Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

0

2 months ago

calling, dating, humor, love, rejection, relationship, sarcasm, situation, situationship, time, unrequited, unrequited love, want, whole

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Facebook this month:

No camera can do justice to a landscape that melts your heart.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

40 shares on Slack this month:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

70 shares on X this month:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

Just landed via TikTok:

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Broadcasted on Discord:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

Seen just now on Threads:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Spotted on Reddit:

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Just shared via Twitch:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨