Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,661

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

Breaking via YouTube:

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Friendly reminder to drink your water and mind your business this week.

Just shared via Facebook:

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

Trending via X:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like my sarcasm translator is about to hit overdrive! 🤪😂📱

communication, contact, humor, irony, media, misunderstanding, person, social, social media, understand, welcome

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

0

2 months ago

conversation, expectations, frustration, hate, humor, i, imagine, interaction, line, man, person, planning, script, social, social interaction, spontaneity
One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

0

2 months ago

aging, bathroom, before, carefree, change, day, funny observation, humor, life, life change, next, observation, preheating, shower, young, youth
I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

0

2 months ago

bag, butter, chocolate, craving, family, food, humor, i, indulgence, M&Ms, peanut, peanut butter, snack, sweets, want
I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

0

2 months ago

brand, buzzing, care, curiosity, enjoying, funny observation, hear, hour, humor, i, know, need, neighbor, observation, personal, personal care, time, toothbrush
You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

0

5 months ago

clueless, confuse, confusion, going, humor, i, know, me, misunderstanding
Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

0

2 months ago

always, crying, dude, frustration, humor, i, kid, parenting, paying, shopping, stop, store

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on X this month:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

36 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

33 shares on Slack this month:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

Going viral on Instagram:

So tired of looking in my wallet and not finding $10,000

Shared recently on Instagram:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Just shared via Snapchat:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Going viral on Twitch:

Whoever said “out of sight out of mind” never lost a spider in the bedroom.

Making waves on Discord:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

Just shared via Instagram:

Welcome to the internet, where people are confidently wrong all the time.

Just landed via YouTube:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨