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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,472

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

Seen just now on Threads:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Spotted on Threads:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Seen just now on Twitch:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Making waves on WeChat:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

Just landed via Reddit:

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

2 weeks ago

Funny quote about entering your 40s and second-guessing your age with humor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Welcome to your 40's, where you're in the prime of life but also suddenly realizing that time has been playing some sneaky tricks on you! 🕰️😄 Embrace it, own it, and don't forget to double-check your birth certificate just to make sure! #AgeIsJustANumber #Feeling40AndFabulous

40s, age, aging, believe, disbelief, guess, humor, life, life stage, old, second, second guess, stage, welcome

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.

85 shares on Discord this month:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

20 shares on Threads this month:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

86 shares on WeChat this month:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The more attention you get on this website, the less you enjoy being on it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,422

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Girlhood is taking hundreds of pictures only to post one or none at all.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

Trending via YouTube:

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Live now on Telegram:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

Live now on Threads:

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

Trending via TikTok:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Going viral on Threads:

No matter how messed up your situation is, someone on Reddit’s already lived it, cried about it, and made a 3-part update with screenshots and farmed 12k upvotes.

Live now on Threads:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

Just shared via Facebook:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

Just landed via YouTube:

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

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