Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

If you send a man to war today, he’s gonna go there and take dark exposure aesthetic pics.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

It’s all fun and games until it’s 10 p.m., you’re all cozy in bed, and you remember you still have laundry in the washer.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Jan 5, 2026

3,590

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

“It’s not that deep!” Well, I have a shovel and I enjoy digging for meaning.

Going viral on YouTube:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Trending via Instagram:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Spotted on TikTok:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

Live now on Threads:

You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

He thinks I’m so smart because I read books. Baby, they is FAWKING in these books.

Just landed via Facebook:

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

2 months ago

0

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like when I’m president, Thursdays are getting a promotion! 🗳️🎉 Who needs a weekend when you can have a double day off? 😎🇺🇸 Let’s make “Thursday extensions” the new national policy—because everyone deserves a little extra weekend magic! ✨🛌

balance, extension, Friday, holiday, humor, i, joke, politics, president, public, Thursday, weekend, work life, work-life balance

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

0

2 months ago

berry, elderberry, fruit, humor, knowledge, most, wisdom
That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

0

2 months ago

accidentally, expression, feelings, humor, moment, serious, smile, strange, trying
I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

0

2 months ago

book, books, coffee, dragon, drink, fantasy, girl, humor, i, just, laugh, machine, pet, read, simple, simple girl, sunset, thinking, time, time machine, want, watch, wishful, wishful thinking
“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

0

2 months ago

auto, auto mechanic, car, car repair, cardiologist, doctor, fancy, funny question, humor, joke, mechanic, medical, name, profession, question, repair
The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

0

4 months ago

around, beautiful, beautiful place, hard, humor, irony, perspective, place, think, thinking, too, world
I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

0

2 months ago

advice, date, dating, dating advice, first date, house, humor, i, pay, payment, person, relationship, should, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on WeChat this month:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

78 shares on Facebook this month:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

40 shares on Instagram this month:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

60 shares on WeChat this month:

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“You just want an easy life.” Should I want a difficult one?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so hot outside that when I opened my front door I thought I was checking on my oven.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Not again. I mean good morning.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Blink if you want me!

23 folks are currently checking 👀

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,652

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I relate to a rooster because I also want start off my day by screaming.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Making waves on Discord:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Making waves on Twitch:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

Trending via Threads:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Going viral on Telegram:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

Live now on Threads:

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴