Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,635

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

My signature move is always learning my lessons the hard way.

Seen just now on Instagram:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Seen just now on Slack:

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Broadcasted on X:

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

Broadcasted on Slack:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

Spotted on WeChat:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Breaking News: Grocery store commits 'shelf-shifting'! 🚓🍎 Anyone seen the mustard lately? 😂 #LostInAisle"

able, aisle, aisles, around, call, confusion, cops, frustration, grocery, grocery store, humor, joke, moves, navigation, police, shopping, should, store

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

0

2 months ago

bumper, bumper sticker, humor, i, irony, observation, read, reading, self-deprecating, sticker, stupid
Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

0

2 months ago

blame, blaming, everyone, everything, hate, humor, person, pick, problems, responsibility, sarcasm, stop
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, day, gift, Guantanamo, heart, humor, i, irony, last, next, song
I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

0

2 months ago

alarm, annoyance, hate, humor, i, people, sleep, wake
Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

0

4 months ago

airplane, ale, biscoff, biscoff cookie, cookie, delta, delta flight, drink, eat, flight, funny habit, ginger, ginger ale, habit, kind, position, pretend, sit, sitting, sitting position, snack, sometimes, unnatural
People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

0

2 months ago

before, breakfast, cook, cooking, going, humor, mature, maturity, me, morning, morning routine, people, routine, too, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Telegram this month:

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

80 shares on Facebook this month:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

My body is a vessel for various dips.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m an over-explainer (I explain things too much).

60 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

15 shares on X this month:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

77 shares on Threads this month:

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Refusing to attend my brother’s gambling intervention until they agree to call it a slot shaming.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Shared recently on Messenger:

As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

Freshly posted on X:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Trending via WhatsApp:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Trending via Twitch:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨