Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

They say we learn from our mistakes, that’s why I’m making as many as possible. Soon I’ll be a genius.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

The word “misread” can be misread as “misread.”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I disagree with my politics.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,555

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

Going bananas on YouTube:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Shared recently on Slack:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Just landed via Reddit:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Trending via Slack:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Going bananas on WeChat:

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Breaking News: Grocery store commits 'shelf-shifting'! 🚓🍎 Anyone seen the mustard lately? 😂 #LostInAisle"

able, aisle, aisles, around, call, confusion, cops, frustration, grocery, grocery store, humor, joke, moves, navigation, police, shopping, should, store

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

0

2 months ago

different, humor, hurt, jewelry, losing, loss, pain, relationship, sentiment, type
I can resist everything except temptation.

0

2 months ago

everything, humor, i, irony, resistance, self-control, temptation
Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

0

2 months ago

badass, confidence, doorbell, humor, reality, rings, social, surprise
Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

0

2 months ago

charm, dating, flirting, good, humor, man, much, never, practice, too, trust
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

0

2 months ago

anything, asked, humor, i, ketchup, list, making, me, misunderstanding, put, read, reading, shopping, shopping list, wife
I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

0

5 months ago

anxiety, communication, hesitation, humor, i, need, person, self-respect, shame, social, social anxiety, text, texting, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Facebook this month:

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

11 shares on X this month:

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Going viral on Instagram:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

Just landed via Facebook:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Just shared via Telegram:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

Making waves on Telegram:

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

I can resist everything except temptation.

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨