Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I am not in a good place, geographically.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,338

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

Trending via Slack:

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Just landed via Instagram:

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Just landed via Snapchat:

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Just landed via X:

“You’re a cougar!” God forbid a woman gives back to the youth.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Shared recently on Threads:

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Breaking News: Grocery store commits 'shelf-shifting'! 🚓🍎 Anyone seen the mustard lately? 😂 #LostInAisle"

able, aisle, aisles, around, call, confusion, cops, frustration, grocery, grocery store, humor, joke, moves, navigation, police, shopping, should, store

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

0

2 months ago

alone, companionship, friend, friends, good, good friend, humor, let, stupid, stupid thing, support, thing, things
Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

0

2 months ago

animal, back, career, career change, change, education, fit, good, human, humor, me, octopu, opportunity, preference, school, thank
Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

0

2 months ago

before, checkout, checkout line, everyone, experience, filled, frustration, humor, life, line, mine, never, people, picking, shopping, talent
I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

0

4 weeks ago

brain, distraction, going, humor, i, love, mind, only, overthinking, think, thought
This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, brochure, expectations, growing, growing up, humor, irony, life, reality
“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

0

2 months ago

body, day, eat, humor, lay, lay down, laziness, listen, okay, relaxation, self-care, snack, snacks, wants, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Threads this month:

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

92 shares on Threads this month:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

I want to live in a world where TV sitcoms have catchy theme songs again.

32 shares on Threads this month:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

94 shares on Threads this month:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

44 shares on Reddit this month:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

68 shares on TikTok this month:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

Spotted on Slack:

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

Going viral on Threads:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Spreading quickly via X:

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

Broadcasted on Slack:

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Breaking via Facebook:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Making waves on TikTok:

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨