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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

My dentist plays country music, so it’s like a double torture.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,557

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Trending via Reddit:

They’re making me do work at work.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

Going viral on Slack:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Why bother with thrillers when the news is already a full-length horror comedy? 🎥📰😂 #RealityShow"

current, current events, dystopian, events, fiction, humor, media, needs, news, satire, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

0

2 months ago

aging, better, car, eyesight, fun, humor, minute, next, stereo, turning, young, youth
I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

0

2 months ago

confidence, eating, enjoying, enjoying life, feels, having, hope, humor, i, independence, irony, life, me, myself, nobody, positivity, self-love, solitude, sorry, time
Does your blood pump that way just for me?

0

2 months ago

attraction, blood, flirt, humor, humor quote, just, love, me, romantic
All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

0

2 months ago

40, daily, daily life, galaxy, hour, humor, irony, life, planet, planets, satire, universe, week, weeks, work, work week
A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

0

2 months ago

accountability, arrogance, authority, ego, having, immaturity, king, narcissist, responsibility, toddler, wants
If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

0

2 months ago

animal, bowl, communication, humor, just, misunderstanding, pets, put, should, sign, store, water

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Slack this month:

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

78 shares on Slack this month:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

20 shares on X this month:

Frodo is a beautiful name for a boy. Has a ring to it.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Trending via Discord:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Breaking via Pinterest:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

Freshly posted on Discord:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

Just landed via WeChat:

I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

Spotted on TikTok:

I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Seen just now on Twitch:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Going viral on Telegram:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨