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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,646

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’ve been thinking. Is ‘fat’ short for anything? Like an old word or something?

Trending via Reddit:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

Live now on WeChat:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Mondays are like boomerangs—no matter how far I toss them, they keep coming back! 😩🔄😂

again, complaint, day, frustration, hell, humor, keeps, letting, Monday, time, week, workday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

0

2 months ago

humor, me, relationship, safe, secret, sister, trust
I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

0

2 months ago

aging, food, humor, i, over, sauce, thicken, time
She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

0

2 months ago

breakup, care, English, humor, i, irony, language, left, me, poor, relationship
We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, adults, expectations, hibernation, humor, irony, life, relaxation, responsibility, right, stress
We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

0

2 months ago

comedy, crime, downtown, Downtown Stabby, humor, need, satire, show, stabby, television, true, true crime
I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

0

2 months ago

activity, cleaning, crime, crime scene, floor, humor, i, kitchen, know, mop, pretending, scene

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

34 shares on X this month:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

My workout is reading in bed until my arms hurt.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

38 shares on X this month:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

“It’s swimsuit season” I say, eating another swimsuit.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

Just shared via YouTube:

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

Just shared via Reddit:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Going bananas on YouTube:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Broadcasted on Discord:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Spotted on TikTok:

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

Going viral on Instagram:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨