Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

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At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

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I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

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You’re like if “nope” was a person.

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Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

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Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

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I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

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My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

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Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

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Think like a crazy person, and then you’ll understand.

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Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.