Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Some people are wise; some are otherwise.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Mashed potatoes are just German guacamole.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Going viral on Reddit:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Live now on Reddit:

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That's just the universe's way of tugging at your patience! 🤪🚪👗

bad, bad mood, caught, clothes, coincidence, door, door handle, everyday, everyday life, frustration, handle, humor, life, mishap, mood, only, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

0

2 months ago

cat, fatter, humor, i, people, sentiment, wish
In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

0

2 months ago

20s, 40s, age, around, bedtime, forty, fun, humor, jingle, nightlife, party, ten, twenty
I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, consumerism, humor, i, irony, need, online, online shopping, run, shopping, things
The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, being, date, expectations, fine, first impression, horror, humor, impression, interaction, know, meet, meeting, once, person, personality, relationships, social, social interaction, warned, warning
It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

0

4 weeks ago

accomplish, amazing, around, before, cleaning, coming, house, housework, humor, i, motivation, much, over, preparation, procrastination, productivity, right, someone, visitor
Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

0

2 months ago

always, argue, different, humor, people, self, story, talk, tell, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on WeChat this month:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

88 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I could be a morning person, if morning was sometime around noon.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I’ll eventually be able to get back in it.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Trending via YouTube:

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

Just shared via Slack:

This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Going viral on WeChat:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Migraine so bad you develop powers like superhuman hearing.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Just landed via WeChat:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Going viral on Threads:

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨