Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Stop dating if you have no car.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,955

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Going viral on Messenger:

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

Spotted on Threads:

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

Spotted on Facebook:

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

Just shared via WeChat:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Seen just now on Threads:

Cheesecake dislikers are attention seekers.

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Survival of the fittest… or just the fluffiest! 🐾😅

another, care, dog, dog sitter, fool, hire, humor, pet, pet care, rate, sitter, survival, survival rate

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

50 shades of single.

0

2 months ago

50, dating, humor, relationship, shades, single
Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

0

2 months ago

family, followers, humor, joke, kids, last, media, name, parent, parenting, should, social, social media
I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

0

4 weeks ago

16, 20s, 55, age, age confusion, age paradox, confusion, feeling, feeling old, feeling young, old, paradox, same, time, young
My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

0

2 months ago

commit, commit crime, crime, DNA, everywhere, hair, humor, i, identity, leave, me, never, personal, personal trait, trait
Killing me softly with his schlong.

0

2 months ago

humor, innuendo, joke, killing, laughter, me, relationship, schlong, softly
Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

0

2 months ago

chaos, everyone, extra, extra hour, hour, humor, late, minds, minutes, office, productivity, rules, stay, time, work, workplace

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Messenger this month:

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

92 shares on YouTube this month:

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

55 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

They say we learn from our mistakes, that’s why I’m making as many as possible. Soon I’ll be a genius.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

My husband has entered the “fun socks” years.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Breaking via Slack:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

Freshly posted on X:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Trending via Snapchat:

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The only hot singles in my area are in my wallet.

Seen just now on X:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

50 shades of single.

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨