Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

426 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,695

Funny Quotes Topics

17,711

Funny Quotes Images

15,695

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,251

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

Making waves on Twitch:

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

Going viral on X:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Spotted on WeChat:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Seen just now on Threads:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Going viral on Messenger:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Making waves on Threads:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

Live now on Pinterest:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Waiting for the day those skinny jeans magically transform into stretchy sweatpants 🤔👖 #TheStruggleIsReal"

body, body image, expectation, fashion, humor, image, jean, jeans, kick, skinny, skinny jean, skinny jeans, style

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

2 months ago

cartoon, chasing, escape, humor, i, me, paint, prank, secret, Secret Service, service, side, tunnel, wall
Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

4 months ago

bag, candy, giant, giant size, humor, me, necessary, resealable, size, snack
I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

2 months ago

age, age contrast, aging, back, citizen, contrast, heart, humor, kid, knees, self-deprecating, senior, youth
Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

2 months ago

12, business, business days, days, humor, me, nobody, outfit, parenting, preparation, put, snow, snow outfit, struggle, toddler, told, winter
My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

2 months ago

am, group, health, here, humor, i, mental, mental health, self-help, should, support, take, talk, therapist, therapy
So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

2 months ago

30, bank, estate, finance, house, humor, i, joke, mean, mortgage, own, ownership, real, real estate, reverse, take

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

Before social media, you could just completely forget that somebody existed. Good times.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

66 shares on Slack this month:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

87 shares on Slack this month:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

The morning routine that takes the longest: finding the will to live.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Combining breakfast and lunch: Brunch. Combining wine and dinner: Winner.

Trending via Telegram:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Making waves on TikTok:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

Just shared via Reddit:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨