Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,591

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

My boyfriend just said “I encourage you to try all things” to our cat who was licking up Buffalo sauce.

Just shared via Facebook:

They’re making me do work at work.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I only accept apologies in cash.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Going viral on Messenger:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Just landed via Twitch:

I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.

Just landed via Discord:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about patiently waiting for skinny jeans to fit better.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Waiting for the day those skinny jeans magically transform into stretchy sweatpants 🤔👖 #TheStruggleIsReal"

body, body image, expectation, fashion, humor, image, jean, jeans, kick, skinny, skinny jean, skinny jeans, style

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

2 weeks ago

animal, blockage, blocking, cow, dairy, humor, pun, road, stupid
How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

3 weeks ago

communication, conflict, die, fire, humor, i, irony, respect, sarcasm, someone, tell
Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

3 weeks ago

bear, choke, dark, dark humor, death, funny death, gummy, gummy bear, humor, ironic, killed, read, snack, tombstone
You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

3 weeks ago

always, animal, animal video, behavior, cat, emotions, humor, i, media, mood, pet, pet behavior, puppy, share, sharing, shit, social, social media, someone, sweet, type, video, video sharing, videos
My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

2 weeks ago

Bob, call, friends, humor, joke, loneliness, me, name
I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

3 weeks ago

beef, guys, humor, i, love, music, rap, romance, romantic, sing, songs

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on TikTok this month:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

87 shares on Reddit this month:

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

80 shares on Discord this month:

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

60 shares on Slack this month:

We are the last generation of programmers who know the deadly feeling of seeing the exact problem in our code, on Stack Overflow, with 0 answers.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

72 shares on Messenger this month:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

They say we learn from our mistakes, that’s why I’m making as many as possible. Soon I’ll be a genius.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Live now on Instagram:

I’d like to place an order for a large kiss and an extra-long hug.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Trending via Twitch:

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Seen just now on X:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Spotted on X:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨