Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

People on Facebook be like “can anyone tell me about a thing I can easily Google myself?”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,266

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

Seen just now on Threads:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Just landed via LinkedIn:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Just landed via Pinterest:

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Spotted on TikTok:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Spotted on Telegram:

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

Spotted on Messenger:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
When your cat has achieved boss-level status, but you haven't 😂🐱👑

attitude, cat, humor, independence, me, pet, rebellion, sarcasm, tell

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

2 months ago

activity, clubbing, experience, fun, fun activity, get over, humor, nightlife, over, party, phase
I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

2 months ago

angry, emotions, feel, feelings, frustration, horny, humor, i, just, relationships
Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

3 months ago

ant, ants, anything, busy, colony, fact, funny fact, half, humor, i, just, learned, looking, much, only, pretend, pretending, respect, task, today, work, worker, worker ant
Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

2 months ago

careful, confrontation, danger, draw, fast, friend, humor, i, just, sarcasm, Shakira, threat, weapon, word
Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

3 months ago

circumstance, circumstances, control, excuse, humor, i, irony, late, procrastination, well
Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

2 months ago

affordable, commentary, government, humor, i, irony, life, pleasant, safe, social, social commentary, sorry

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

30 shares on Reddit this month:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

83 shares on Slack this month:

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

60 shares on Instagram this month:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

70 shares on Slack this month:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I’m almost finished reading your tweet. Love it so far.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Not gonna lie, I just assume everyone is AI now.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Just landed via YouTube:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Girlhood is taking hundreds of pictures only to post one or none at all.

Going bananas on Threads:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Making waves on WeChat:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Shared recently on Threads:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Freshly posted on X:

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Making waves on WeChat:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Going bananas on Facebook:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨