Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,598

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

Making waves on Instagram:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Breaking via YouTube:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Just landed via Threads:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Trending via Threads:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Just shared via YouTube:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Spotted on Discord:

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

2 months ago

0

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🚶‍♂️🤬 When you’re stuck behind a slow-moving shopper at the grocery store, it's like a whole new level of pedestrian road rage! You find yourself silently debating whether you should overtake them on the left or the right, all while trying to resist the urge to honk your non-existent horn. Ah, the joys of navigating the treacherous aisles of the supermarket at a snail's pace! 😅 #GroceryStoreTrafficJam

ever, everyday, everyday life, frustration, grocery, grocery store, humor, life, movement, moving, rage, road, road rage, slow, slow movement, someone, store, walking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

0

2 months ago

commentary, country, diversity, every, humor, multicultural, people, satire, should, social, social commentary, zoo
Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

0

2 months ago

actually, antique, attack, doll, fear, human, humans, humor, irony, majority, murder, people, porcelain, porcelain doll, rare, rarity, shark, shark attack
I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, energy, engine, exhaustion, frustration, full, gas, hate, having, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, tank
Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

0

2 months ago

achievement, award, bravery, cut, eat, fact, food, humor, i, parenting, son, struggle, toast
You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

0

2 months ago

cleanliness, dust, existential, humor, i, irony, joke, know, life, philosophy, return, someone, why
I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

0

2 months ago

beach, feed, grudge, hold, humor, i, irony, just, love, pet, relationship, sarcasm, take, walks

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

22 shares on Slack this month:

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

42 shares on Discord this month:

‘I love reading!’ says the woman who loves owning books.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

Just blocked someone for correcting my spelling and it feelded great.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,621

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I hate to slut-shame, but a lot of you are not slutty enough.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Are there any medium rappers? They’re always Big or Lil.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Going viral on Twitch:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Just landed via Twitch:

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

Shared recently on Discord:

The first Saw movie should have been called Footloose.

Seen just now on Reddit:

When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

Broadcasted on Threads:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

Making waves on Twitch:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

Spotted on TikTok:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

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