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Oh, so the back seat is the new Grassy Knoll now, huh? 🚗💥 Who would have thought a seating arrangement could be so controversial? 😂 Just watch out for any suspicious-looking umbrella holders, okay? ☂️ #BackSeatConspiracy

assassination, back, back seat, driving, historical, historical reference, humor, irony, JFK, killed, me, reference, seat, sit, thing, want

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

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I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.

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Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

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The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

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Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

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There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

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Shared recently on X:

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Just landed via TikTok:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

Going viral on Facebook:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Just shared via Slack:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

Reported on Slack:

I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

Going viral on Facebook:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Going viral on Discord:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

January feels like a schizophrenic episode.

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You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

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Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

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It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

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Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

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You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

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