I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

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I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

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I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

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Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

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I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

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I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

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I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

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Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

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Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

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My toxic trait is optimism.

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Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.