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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,743

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

Seen just now on Threads:

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

Just landed via Messenger:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Spotted on WeChat:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Lord, they down here giving us bills every month after you already paid the price.

Going viral on Facebook:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Freshly posted on Threads:

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

Just landed via TikTok:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Just when you thought personal space was safe… enter the Close Talker Swatter! 🦟🚫👃😄

awkwardness, close, close talker, fly, fly swatter, humor, joke, personal, personal space, social, social awkwardness, space, swatter, talker

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43 shares on X this month:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

71 shares on Threads this month:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

71 shares on Slack this month:

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

74 shares on Reddit this month:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

74 shares on Discord this month:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

People in 1999 were using the Internet as an escape from reality. People today are using reality as an escape from the Internet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Not having a crush is dangerous. What am I supposed to think about? What if I invent something?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Just landed via Telegram:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Trending via YouTube:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Just landed via Twitch:

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

Spotted on Messenger:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Spotted on Snapchat:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Seen just now on Discord:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

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Activity Log ✨

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Keep the laugh going 😂

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨