Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,351

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Pouring an ice-cold glass of anxiety.

Spotted on Discord:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Trending via Slack:

You can do laundry every day and still be behind on laundry.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

Live now on Reddit:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Trending via Pinterest:

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Shared recently on TikTok:

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

Trending via Telegram:

You never realize how many curse words are in a song till you play it for your family.

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Master of random skills, professional procrastinator extraordinaire! 🤹‍♂️🧘‍♂️📅💥

ability, absolutely, ADHD, anything, being, good, humor, irony, life, live, necessity, need, pretty, skill, struggle, talent, terrible, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

0

2 months ago

attempt, awkwardness, comedy, even, failure, Funny, humor, humor attempt, i, joke, joke failure, meeting, nobody, online, online meeting, social, social awkwardness, today, told, workplace, Zoom, Zoom meeting
The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

0

2 months ago

annoying, annoying child, child, family, house, household, humor, jokes, mother-in-law, parenting, relationships
If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

0

2 months ago

cat, coffin, Dracula, humor, pet, shed, sleep, sleeping, vampire
Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

0

2 months ago

appointment, dentist, frustration, hate, humor, mouth, nap, open, sleep, take, trying
To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

0

2 months ago

grammar, humor, i, issue, issues, people, period, problem, problems, timing, worry
Anyone want to meet up and just scream… We could get food after.

0

3 weeks ago

activity, after, anyone, food, humor, just, meet, meet up, scream, social, social activity, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Instagram this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

85 shares on Discord this month:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

Freshly posted on X:

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Just shared via YouTube:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

Shared recently on TikTok:

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Freshly posted on Slack:

You know IT have given up when the error message reads, ‘Something went wrong’.

Trending via Snapchat:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Spotted on Twitch:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Breaking via Threads:

I need money, not feelings.

Breaking via Reddit:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

Anyone want to meet up and just scream… We could get food after.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨