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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,530

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

Seen just now on WeChat:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Making waves on YouTube:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra—wash one, and two more appear! 🍽️🧼💦

actually, after, chore, cross, daily, daily life, dish, dishes, experience, household, household task, humor, i, life, list, lot, never, task, to-do, to-do list, washing, washing dish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

0

2 months ago

aging, doing, doing nothing, enjoyment, getting, great, humor, lessons, life, life lessons, nothing, older, relaxation, simplicity
Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

0

2 months ago

advice, beginning, credibility, expert, experts, humor, irony, say, sound, statement
When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

0

2 months ago

adulting, aging, disappointment, frustration, humor, i, life, nostalgia, older, sarcasm, shit, wait, well, young
The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

0

2 months ago

being, breakfast, cheesecake, dessert, excuse, food, humor, indulgence, morning, only, thing
This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, bathroom mirror, draw, every, finger, finger gun, gun, guns, humor, just, know, mirror, morning, never, practice, quick, quick draw, situation, unexpected, unexpected situation
Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

0

2 months ago

demi, Demi Lovato, humor, joke, lovato, love, potato, short, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Slack this month:

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m doing a challenge called ‘November’ — it’s where I just try to get through every day in the month of November.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

If you innocently act like you don’t know, people will explain dirty words to you and it’s hilarious.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Just shared via Instagram:

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

Just shared via Discord:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

Live now on Threads:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Trending via Facebook:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Just landed via Twitch:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Trending via WeChat:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Spotted on TikTok:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Making waves on Pinterest:

First World War. Kind of nervous.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨