All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.