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And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

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Inheritance goals: ensuring my kids never run out of "What was I even looking at?" moments. ๐Ÿง‘โ€๐Ÿ’ป๐Ÿ“‘๐Ÿ’ป

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Fish must think we look so weird with both eyes on the front of our face.

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Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think Iโ€™m a dad.

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How is it still this week?

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Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

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Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

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I donโ€™t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT โ€“ I have teenagers who already know everything.

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I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

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The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

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Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

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Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.