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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

‘I love reading!’ says the woman who loves owning books.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,631

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Trending via WhatsApp:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Just shared via Telegram:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Going bananas on Slack:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

Trending via Facebook:

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

Just shared via Telegram:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Shared recently on X:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like your nephew has already nailed the adulting trifecta: eat, sleep, and repeat! 🍽️😴👶🏻😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Slack this month:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

54 shares on Slack this month:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

48 shares on Slack this month:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

80 shares on Slack this month:

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

33 shares on Slack this month:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,640

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Is it just me, or does anybody else get excited about cancelling plans?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

In honor of Charles Dickens, I will also be poor this Christmas.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

Spotted on Instagram:

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

Spotted on X:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Spotted on WeChat:

Girl, if the moon can block the sun, then you can definitely block your ex.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Making waves on Snapchat:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

Trending via Threads:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

Going bananas on Discord:

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

Spotted on Slack:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

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