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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

When did making sense stop making sense?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Just landed via Threads:

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

Just shared via Telegram:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

Going viral on Reddit:

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Spotted on Twitch:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Making waves on Pinterest:

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

Going viral on YouTube:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Apple juice: the introverted cousin at the fruit cocktail party 🍎🍹😄

alcohol, apple, apple juice, drink, fruit, fruit juice, humor, juice, shy, taste, too, wants

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

0

2 months ago

humor, landing, looking, love, me, much, people, plane, relationship, second, someone, standing, travel
Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

0

2 months ago

confusion, good, greeting, humor, me, morning, response, sarcasm, where
I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

0

2 months ago

apology, french, humor, language, mispronunciation, soiree, wordplay, words
It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

0

2 months ago

always, doing, getting, getting ready, hectic, hour, humor, management, me, minutes, nothing, preparation, procrastination, ready, rest, self-care, time, time management
Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

0

2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, everyone, free, Friday, humor, joke, Monday, satire, should, through, workday
Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

0

2 months ago

asshole, attitude, being, comedy, full-time, full-time job, humor, job, personality, sarcasm, seems, workplace

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Slack this month:

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

38 shares on WeChat this month:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

35 shares on Threads this month:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

31 shares on X this month:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Live now on Messenger:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Seen just now on Facebook:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Going viral on Snapchat:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Trending via Slack:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Trending via Pinterest:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

Going bananas on WeChat:

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

Live now on Slack:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨