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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,338

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Do you ever hang out with someone else’s family, and you’re like, ooooh, so this is what it’s supposed to be like?

Going bananas on Pinterest:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Just shared via YouTube:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Going bananas on Threads:

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

Making waves on Threads:

If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

Going viral on Discord:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Making waves on Pinterest:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

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Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.
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Commentary:
Apple juice: the introverted cousin at the fruit cocktail party 🍎🍹😄

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Threads this month:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Normalize asking if this is an intervention whenever someone invites you over.

76 shares on X this month:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

51 shares on Discord this month:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,569

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

That fight could’ve been an email.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

Shared recently on Threads:

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

Just shared via Threads:

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

Just landed via Telegram:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

Live now on YouTube:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Spotted on Reddit:

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

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