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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,250

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Seen just now on Discord:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

Just landed via TikTok:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

Going viral on Messenger:

Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Not again. I mean good morning.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you wear Arab perfume, your presence enters the room 10 minutes before you do! 🌬️🕺✨

arab, Arab perfume, arrival, chill, cultural, cultural reference, exaggeration, fragrance, humor, knows, perfume, reference, scent, street, zero

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

0

2 months ago

baby, diet, eat, ethics, food, fruit, fruitarian, humor, i, idea, just, love, morality, spinach, vegetarianism
Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

0

2 months ago

being, cold, cold pizza, eating, example, freedom, funny situation, humor, kitchen, lifestyle, naked, night, pizza, single, situation, standing, things
Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

0

2 months ago

activity, cobblestone, date, devil, dimly-lit, fun, fun activity, only, street, thing, walk, want, women
I’m already sick of tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

frustration, humor, procrastination, sick, time, tomorrow
My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

0

2 months ago

activity, change, doing, goal, growth, humor, new, new year, personal, personal growth, resolution, Resolutions, stop, things, time, year
Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, blurt, conversation, getting, humor, intro, moment, mother-in-law, point, skip

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Facebook this month:

I really miss my family… sized bag of crisps.

28 shares on X this month:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

96 shares on Threads this month:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

26 shares on Discord this month:

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Spell your crush’s name backwards, mine is yenom.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

Breaking via Instagram:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

Breaking via Twitch:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Spotted on Telegram:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Seen just now on X:

My wallet is empty, just like my soul.

Just shared via Instagram:

Netflix be like “we know exactly what movie you talkin’ ’bout but we ain’t got it lol”.

Just shared via Telegram:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Making waves on Facebook:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨