Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

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A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

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Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

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Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

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Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

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If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

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It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

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I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.