As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

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Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

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You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

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Ain’t nothing better than knowing you were right when everyone else thought you were crazy.

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I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

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I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

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Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

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Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.