At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.