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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,483

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

Live now on YouTube:

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Making waves on Twitch:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Just landed via Discord:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

Going bananas on Reddit:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Behind every hilarious man, there's a woman perfecting her eye-roll game like a champ. 🙄😂 #EyeRollQueen #ComedyCoupleGoals"

comedy, every, eyes, funny man, humor, man, relationship, rolls, rolls eyes, wit, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

0

2 months ago

dating, hard, hard to get, hard to want, humor, play, relationship, self-deprecation, want
Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

0

2 months ago

ago, couple, days, excuse, fruit, humor, i, pears, procrastination, ripened, sorry
Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

0

2 months ago

eyes, help, humor, let, me, roll, sarcasm, wit
Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

0

2 months ago

always, appearance, assumption, baby, compliment, humor, i, just, looks, parenting, people, tell
Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

0

2 months ago

course, fashion, grudges, hold, humor, need, pockets, stereotypes, where, women
Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

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5 months ago

addiction, alcohol, celebrity, drug, drugs, give, humor, joke, keith, Keith Richards, life, longevity, richards, take

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

83 shares on Slack this month:

Closing down one work tab every day until Christmas like a reverse advent calendar.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self-acceptance.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

Going bananas on Slack:

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

Live now on Messenger:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Shared recently on TikTok:

All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Just shared via Instagram:

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨