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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

There’s a reason you ain’t ever used your phone in a dream.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

In honor of Charles Dickens, I will also be poor this Christmas.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Haven’t seen a single bikini photoshoot in the snow this year; the girls are tired.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,584

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

Going viral on TikTok:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Trending via YouTube:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Just shared via Reddit:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

Trending via WeChat:

Once you love wide-leg pants, there is no going back from that.

Going viral on X:

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

Live now on Instagram:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Just landed via TikTok:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trusting Big Pharma is like thinking the house at Vegas is rooting for your jackpot 🎰💊😆

business, business motive, care, casino, company, gambling, heal, healing, health, health care, irony, motive, pharmaceutical, pharmaceutical company, skepticism, trust, want, wants, win, winning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

3 months ago

bottle, celebration, drinking, family, food, holiday, humor, just, life, me, pass, Thanksgiving
“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

2 months ago

again, attitude, care, humor, i, media, post, social, social media
Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

2 months ago

dog, humor, i, just, leisure, nature, nothing, relaxing, solitude, sometimes, stand, stare, sun
They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

3 months ago

50, body, family, human, humor, husband, observation, son, water, wind
What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

2 months ago

craving, dinner, food, humor, i, invention, want, wish
A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

2 months ago

activity, end, found, fun, fun activity, G-spot, humor, joke, relationship, shopping, woman, word

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Discord this month:

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

62 shares on Threads this month:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

Live now on Facebook:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Spotted on Twitch:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Just landed via Discord:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Just landed via Slack:

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

Going viral on Slack:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

Trending via Threads:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Just shared via WeChat:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Going viral on Instagram:

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

Breaking via X:

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨